Radio Ga-Ga

Have I already titled a post Radio Ga-Ga? Who cares?

Two things I have learned from Radio 2 this evening:

Thing One

Apparently the decade in which people are happiest is in their 70s. That's nice, isn't it? That's something to look forward to for most of us. It makes sense to me, 70 year olds and kids, I would have thought would score highest for happiness. Teenagers are angsty and hormone filled, they don't have time to be happy, they are too busy gossiping, stressing about being unpopular or sleeping. In your twenties there is a lot of pressure to be having a good time and making the most of your looks and high-functioning metabolism and suchlike – it's actually quite hard to enjoy things like that when everyone keeps telling you that soon both those things WILL BE GONE, GODDAMMIT, AND THEN HOW WILL YOU MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU?!

Ahem. Anyway, once you get into your thirties there's all the marriage and babies schizzle going on – if it's happening to you then most of your capacity for pleasure goes into keeping small people alive and if it's not, then you just feel as though you should be (even if you definitely SHOULD NOT be). More of that in your forties I guess, except that some people then have to deal with the tedium of things like being school governers and stuff, and trying to climb the career ladder as far as possible. Fifties – I don't know, I'm just using my parents as an example here but they are not living the carefree highlife they can but only dream of because their children keep coming back home and generally costing them money. Things probably start to get good in your sixties when your kids, if you have any, get on with things themselves and stop pestering you, and maybe even provide darling grandchildren to play with – oh, and you can retire. But then there's probably that weird transition when you retire and realise that spending all of your time with your significant other is a terrible idea and that one of you should probably either go back to work or go and live somewhere else for a few months or SO HELP ME GOD WHY DID WE EVER GET MARRIED.

But by the time you reach your seventies, you're laughing! People stop expecting you to be reasonable and sensible, and that must bring with it a certain amount of freedom. Plus you've probably started to rumble along with your significant other by this point, or at least started losing your hearing enough to muffle the more annoying things they say. It's probably the turning point where you don't have to look after various family members anymore and people start looking after you.

Cracking.

Thing Two

Apparently Cadburys Creme Eggs have been modified. I don't care that much about that, but what perplexed me was the reporter who said “the shells have been replaced with standard Cadbury chocolate, rather than Dairy Milk.” Are these NOT THE SAME THING?! Is Cadbury Dairy Milk different to the chocolate you get in, say, Cadburys buttons? Or a Flake? I find this mind boggling. My friend Lexi, queen of the Dairy Milk and the first to be horrified when they changed the shape of the bar (and subsequently affecting that ever-important 'mouth-feel'), would probably look at me like I was subnormal for making such ridiculous assumptions, but seriously? Are they different? If I hadn't just committed to myself to a primarily sugar and carb free lifestyle I would go out and test this pronto, but I suppose I will just have to live my life shrouded in mystery and uncertainty.

Bloody Mondelez. They'll get rid of Cadburys altogether one day in favour of cheap sh*t like the stuff they eat in America that tastes of vomit and then we can all be horrified. But it would definitely curb temptation. Because I have no desire to eat anything that tastes of vomit, even if it is in a lovely purple wrapper.

As you can tell, January is a slow month for interesting things to happen to me. They are happening all over the shop to other people, but that's not my place to blog, so…yeah.

Ooh! I want this book!

Texts from Jane Eyre and other conversations with your favourite literary characters, by Mallory Ortberg.

These are examples from her website and made me giggle:

Texts from Emma

Texts from Lord Byron (love Lord Byron!)

Texts from William Blake

I don't know if these are everyone's cup of tea. But ohhh they made me laugh.

“WOULD YOU QUESTION A WINDOW??”

Wonderful. Happy Monday, everyone!

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